Grand Theft Life
by R.G. Waffles
Summary: Firearms are introduced to the Ninja World. Disaster ensues. Canon.
1. You're Dead

**Author's Note:** Woo. New attempt. It's definitely canon, and the time frame is set between after the war against Pein/Nagato that turns Konoha into this huge crater and before the Uchiha brothers go at it.

Come on. I'm not the first person who thought this: **what would happen if guns/firearms were introduced to the Narutoverse?**

Oh. Also. At this moment, there are no official pairings. **No. Official. Pairings. **at this moment. Maybe something will happens, who knows. I don't.

Enjoy, lavelies.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>  
>…<strong>:::You're Dead:::…<strong>

* * *

><p>"Life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted." ~ Anon<p>

* * *

><p><em>Bang bang.<em>

They were dead.

It was the first time such a sound had ever echoed in the Ninja World. It ripped through the silence of the forest one Tuesday evening before ripping through four forest-green vests. As the green gradually coupled with red to taint the fabric of the vests with a mud-colored stain, a flock of birds took flight from several branches and horded in the sky. They cawed and cried over their shattered silence.

Four people died in that one instant. A _bang_ for every one. Bodies unblemished save for a single hole in the center of the mud-colored stains on their vests, their chakra fading, their eyes – green, brown, brown, and pure white – opened wide in sheer surprise.

The flock of birds was flying farther and farther. From afar, they merely looked like an ink stain. An ink stain in the dusk sky. Mud-colored stains on forest-green vests.

They were dead.

* * *

><p>Raining.<p>

It was always raining on the worst of days. An omen, Tsunade took it as. Some grave event had just occurred and she would be hearing about it soon. Even when just an hour ago the spring skies had been cleared of clouds, when the swallows had been crooning and the swallowtails fluttering about, in came the darkness and the rain and the thunder and her headaches and she knew, she knew, she knew something was wrong.

It hadn't rained for a while.

Even during the war against Pein (_Nagato,_ she had to remind herself from time to time, and each time something pulled at her heartstrings), it had not rained. Granted, it had left her village in shambles (_Their_ village). Their beautiful Village Hidden in the Leaves had been reduced to a crater of dirt and piles of rubble.

She was not sitting in her Hokage Tower. Her hands were not splayed in front of her on her usual wooden desk. She was in a large tent, sitting behind stacks and stacks of books with a large plank of wood over them acting as a makeshift desk. The giant fallen symbol of the Fire Country threatened to roll over and flatten her tent from where it creaked unsteadily against the wall of the mountain.

Outside, she could hear the villagers working. She silently commended them for their perseverance; even with the rain falling hard, the hammering of wood to wood was still prominent. The village had to be rebuilt, after all. Hail or sleet, rain or shine, man, woman, or child, they were out there with the Will of Fire blazing in their hearts as they attempted to restore Konoha to its former glory.

She wiped hastily at her eyes and returned her gaze to her so-called desk.

There was a lot of paperwork on her desk that needed to be done. By a lot, she meant that every square inch of the wooden board that was her "desk" was covered with paper, which was covered in more paper, which was, in turn, covered in more paper. She had once hopefully thought, what with the village having been totaled, there would be less paperwork.

She hated paperwork.

Granted, she hated quite a lot of things apart from rain and paperwork. She hated when her long-awaited coffee turned cold because she had waited long for it, hated when people ran late for their meetings (but ran late for her own), hated the _schhhhk!_ noise the polyester tent flap made when it opened that sounded far too reminiscent of ripping a bandage off of some gruesome wound for her liking. She especially hated when she accidentally voiced, "I hate paperwork" and Shizune was right there telling her "Hate is a very strong word, Tsunade-sama."

"I know it is," she quipped. "That's why I used it."

Shizune continued in, the flap swinging shut behind her.

_Schhhhk!_

Ripping a bandage off a wound.

"We have an issue, Hokage-sama," she said as Tsunade cringed.

She had expected it, but she was never one to look on indifferently at bad news. Her head lifted slowly as a grimace twisted her lips. The lighting was always too bright. The news was always too bad. Maybe she was tired of hearing about death, and drinking cold coffee, and listening to that tent flap move. Maybe she didn't really want to do paperwork.

"Hokage-sama."

Right.

She was Hokage.

She accepted the manila folder brandished in her face and laid it flat on her desk. One by one, she flipped through the papers. There were five of them, each handwritten on thick paper. The first was a mission brief; she skipped over that one. The rest were what she did not want to see. Profiles of Her People.

_Her People._

Okura Rei. She was beautiful, Tsunade remembered when her eyes skimmed over the young woman's profile. Green eyes and waist-length hair. An engaged Jounin.

Dead.

Sakurai Jun. A flamboyant man in both personality and appearance. Top-ranking Jounin despite his unceasing mouth.

Dead.

Matsumoto Sho. She frowned when she could not remember him. His typical features – brown hair, brown eyes – were not very memorable, but if he had been on a team with Okura and Sakurai, he must have been skilled. _Have been._ Past tense. Because he was

Dead.

Hyuuga Erika. Tsunade's heart pounded dully in her chest. She was young, a wunderkind almost as wonderful as Neji. Though she would never progress as far as Neji because she was

Dead.

"Their mission was an A-rank," she said when she had returned to skim over the first page. Her heart was sinking as she spoke, but her honeyed eyes remained firm. Losing people was never difficult. Losing Her People was. "And they weren't even supposed to encounter an enemy. Cause of deaths?"

". . . We're not sure."

A blonde eyebrow rose. "You're not . . . sure? Some hidden jutsu?"

". . . Not exactly."

Tsunade hated the words "not exactly". It left room for uncertainty.

She hated uncertainty.

"Spit it out, Shizune."

"The medics are still investigating but so far, they haven't found anything except a piece of metal in their bodies."

"A piece of metal?"

Shizune held out her hand. It was a scrap of metal no larger than the digit of her finger, molded smoothly into a conical shape. Tsunade reached for it carefully. It might explode in her face, she thought as she stared at the foreign metal. It might drill through her hand. It might cave in on itself and release enough toxic gas to stun a herd of oxen. She held it out at arm's length but it just sat there in her palm, relatively harmless and entirely pointless.

"Find out what it does," she said, still unconvinced that a piece of metal had killed four of her best Jounin. "Alert the ANBU to be on guard for anyone suspicious. Give me the names of the doctors leading this investigation." She was up. In charge again, taking the reins to protect Her People.

"And get me a cup of hot coffee."

She had a village to Protect.

* * *

><p>A day later, Tsunade entered her tent to find another manila folder sitting on her desk, its presence seeming to take up the entirety of the room. She stood at the entrance of the tent, hand holding the flap aside, recent <em>schhhhk! <em>still fresh in her mind and feeling very much like she had been on the receiving end of that bandage being pulled. The Silence in the room was far too loud. Her heartbeat slowed. She stared the manila folder down. The manila folder stared back, very innocently.

For several minutes, she did not move. She did not want to see the faces inside that folder. She never liked seeing the faces in those folders. They frightened her. Sometimes she wondered if she would see sapphire eyes staring back at her, or pink hair flashing.

She finally decided she would walk over and investigate.

She stood a little to the side of the folder and kept it at arm's length. With its opening flap facing away from her, she lifted the flap ever-so-slightly and pushed the second paper inside of it up, up, so that the top of it began to peak from the folder. What color would the hair of the person be? Was it a male? Female? Her heart stopped.

Yellow.

Like some grisly roadside accident that she _wanted_ to look away from but _couldn't_, she pushed the page up further, further, until Brown eyes were staring back at her. A female blonde. Her body released a shuddering sigh of relief she did not know she had held as she stared at the unfamiliar face staring back at her.

Three more people dead because of a piece of metal lodged in their bodies.

Two days later, one person dead.

Another day, two. The second person had been attempting to escape, as was evident when his body was found missing one sandal several meters from his partner. But one solid piece of metal in his throat had left him in a pool of his own blood (and Tsunade bit back the bile in her throat because _what a horrible way to go_).

The day after that was the Last Straw.

The Investigation Team on the case was still investigating with little outcome. Tsunade received another manila folder on her desk a little after the sun had gone down. By that time, she was Fed Up with manila folders. They had become as regular over the past few days as her headaches. She accepted the folder from Shizune and raised an eyebrow when the black-haired woman did not leave as she normally did.

"Shizune?"

Shizune looked to the floor. "I'm sorry, Tsunade-sama."

Tsunade's heart suddenly beat rapidly. Blond hair and blue eyes? Pink hair and green eyes? Lavender hair and white eyes? Black hair and red eyes? Did she know the person personally? Her hands could barely grasp the folder as she opened it. The face of a young boy – _oh God oh God ohGodohGodohGod he could not have been older than ten_ – stared back at her with a grin that covered most of his face.

A nine-year-old boy, found dead outside of Konoha.

A piece of metal embedded in the side of his skull where his brother's headband did not protect.

When Tsunade suddenly issued an order to close the gates of Konoha, no one bothered to question. Publicly, at least. Whispers spread throughout the village like a plague, ghosting the village in an incessant silent drone, _ssshssshssshsssh they whispered, they whispered, they whispered._

_ Is Orochimaru attacking again but I thought he was dead that Uchiha boy killed him that traitor but the last time the gates were closed it was because of him what's going on danger danger there's danger afoot I can smell it can you hear that who is that what's going on are we going to die are we going to die to die to die?_

A small crowd gathered to watch the gates close. It took a small troop of ANBU and a few minutes' worth of building chakra to swing the gates shut and seal it closed. Tsunade stood just behind the ANBU, alone in the crowd because everyone had parted in a sea of inferior faces as she stepped forward, her arms fisted against her hip bones as she watched in silence.

_Schhhhk!_ the gates scratched against the earthen floor as they swung shut.

Like ripping a bandage off a wound.

When the gates had been sealed and the curious crowd had parted, Tsunade turned to the group of ANBU to speak to them. She used a lot of now's and immediately's as she commanded them. Her face flushed from the seriousness of the situation and the time she had spent with her voice raised. The last command she gave to Shizune, who stood slightly hunched behind her with TonTon subdued in her arms.

"I want you to contact every team, every ninja of ours outside of these gates and have them return."

"But Tsunade-sama –"

"What's more important, Shizune, at a time like this? When we need everyone most?" she asked before she turned around. "Their missions? Or their lives?"

She did not wait for the answer.

* * *

><p>Team 7 (or at least, its remnants), miles away from Konoha, did not receive the memo until late.<p>

It was too busy piecing itself back together.

"Naruto, this really isn't a good idea," Sakura tried to tell him, however much her beating heart said _yes yes yes!_ "You're injured and I've only got so much chakra left."

She received but a Grin in return.

"Neji would call this fate, Sakura," he finally said as he moved forward, leaning far too heavily on the trees for Sakura's liking. "Sasuke just happens to have passed by the very same village we just left?" And he grinned his Grin. "It's just too good. I can smell the bastard. He's so close."

Kakashi, sauntering wearily behind, would have warned his student against it if he did not know the blond would fuss over the whole ordeal and end up running away from the team to search for the Uchiha himself. Once he had set his sight on his target – especially if the target's name was Uchiha Sasuke – he would not give up until he had reached it and battered it into the ground. He could have simply beat the already-injured boy into the ground himself, slung him over his shoulders, and returned him home, but Naruto would be angry at him. And Kakashi had enough energy for one Space-Time jutsu. If things turned ugly (which was what usually transpired if the so-called conversation was between two very determined boys), he could bat his eyelashes and _poof_. He would be unconscious, but Naruto, Sakura, and Sai would be safe.

Besides. After a four-day's escort of the rudest man imaginable, two battles against fairly large men who had not been in the job description, laughable meals, and one particularly nasty bruise that covered the right side of Naruto's body, Kakashi thought the boy deserved a reward. However short-lived that reward would be.

That, and Kakashi really doubted they would meet up with Sasuke.

His train of thought derailed when Sai turned his head to look up and back. "A message," the taciturn uttered seconds before a hawk decided to nestle itself in Kakashi's hair.

"Lovely."

Kakashi was not amused.

He groped for the bird atop his head and relished in the short-lived squawk it emitted when his fingers closed around its body. "Be nice, will you?" His fingers struggled for the piece of paper wrapped around the sharp talons. An equally sharp beak nipped at his hand and he clucked his tongue. The second the paper had unraveled, the hawk took flight and left him. He scoffed. "Fine, you cheeky rodent with wings."

"Hurry and read the message, Kakashi-sensei. Sasuke's close."

"I'll read it when I want to."

Despite wanting to take his time simply to relish in a muscle he knew would twitch in Naruto's jaw, for a hawk to make its trip so far out in the forest simply to find them meant the note was definitely of some importance. He unraveled it and read:

_RTK_

_50.28 R_

_IM._

And he frowned.

And then, he frowned again. Deeper.

"What?" Naruto asked impatiently. "What is it?" He took the paper from Kakashi's hands and looked at it in utter confusion. A moment later and the code registered. "R-T-K? Return to Konoha?"

"Code Red," his mentor supplied. "We need to return immediately."

Naruto did not like that. He did not like that one bit. He wore his own frown, turned to look at Sakura, to Kakashi, to Sai. "But Sasuke, he's so –"

"Hokage's orders, Naruto." And he thought _I know. I'm sorry. Please don't fight back, just obey. We'll find Sasuke again._

Naruto sent a long, wistful glance in the direction they had been walking. Sasuke's direction. His best friend's had been so close, _so close_, and he honestly thought every conversation they had together, he became closer and closer to breaking that stubborn Wall of his.

"Fine," he said after an eternity. At least, that was how long it felt to Kakashi. The numbers _50.28_ kept resurfacing in his mind like a boat that would just. not. sink. "Come on."

They turned around. Sakura took to the trees first, Sai not too far behind, but Kakashi only frowned again. And just before he could think _This was way too easy, why was it so easy?_, Naruto ran.

In Sasuke's Direction.

"Naruto!" Kakashi called out with an arm outstretched, because Naruto, with a burst of speed, had almost literally teleported several meters away. The call caught Sakura and Sai's attentions and six eyes were suddenly focused on the blur of sun-spun yellow moving farther and farther.

The blur that was suddenly coupled with black.

Naruto had honestly not expected to run as far as he had. It had been an act of pure desperation, he had to admit, and he had taken it more as a game. The How-Far-Can-I-Get-Before-Kakashi-sensei-Catches-Me game. And when an arm that swung around his neck from behind had stopped him several meters away, he had been surprised at first and vaguely thought _Wow. Farther than I thought_, before he realized that Kakashi was gentle with him. Strict, but gentle, and would never have his arm around his neck like that, squeezing him, choking him, sucking his life away from him.

Kakashi's arm was not that pale. Kakashi's arm did not have bandages wrapped around it. And most of all, Kakashi's arm would not be plugging the only airway Naruto had that filled his lungs with life.

"_Stop fucking following me_," was hissed into his ear with a familiar bite to the tone.

Naruto was about to turn around and Grin. He managed to turn his neck ever-so-slightly, one hand rising to claw at the arm blocking his esophagus, and his lips had just started to twitch in greeting because he was pressed up against the chest of Uchiha Sasuke.

Sasuke's arm slid sideways against Naruto's neck until just his hand was against Naruto's throat, thumb digging deftly into the boy's windpipe, still pressing him to his chest. In front of the hand appeared the blade of a sword. Naruto saw Sasuke's (red, red, red) eyes in its reflection before he saw his own.

He was still Grinning.

And that was when Uchiha Sasuke was shot.

_Bang bang._

* * *

><p>Naruto heard the noise that resonated in the forest. He knew it had something to do with Sasuke. The boy's grip on his neck loosened, the pale arm falling, falling, brushing against Naruto's chest before it released him completely and Naruto did not have to turn around to know the dull <em>thud<em> was Sasuke's body falling against the earth. He vaguely felt something pinch his back.

Someone shrieked distantly.

"Sasuke!" he mimicked the shriek himself.

Naruto's immediate instinct was to turn around and fall to his knees beside his fallen comrade, but the a glint in the corner of his eye caught his attention and he stared straight at where Sasuke's back had once been facing.

A person.

A person with a _weapon_, pointed _right at Naruto._

The blond stood up with a snarl, ears deaf against Kakashi's running footsteps or Sai's swooping bird. The only person in his vision (color bleeding out so that red could bleed in, nails sharpening, teeth pointing) was the man with the weapon.

"Who are you?" he demanded as he approached the man, making sure to keep within arm's distance from Sasuke.

His head cocked slightly to the side, anger diminishing a notch when he realized the _man_ was a _boy_ and his eyes were wide, hands shaking in distress, knees shaking in fear. The weapon he had fell from his hands and to the floor.

_Bang!_

Naruto jumped at the noise; it was the same noise that had gone off seconds before Sasuke had fallen to the floor. Deductive reasoning told him it had come from the weapon. The Whatever it Was.

"Who _are _you?" he asked again, but his voice was not as loud as it had been. Still angry, but not loud.

The boy opened his mouth to speak. Spoke a few words.

And Naruto did not understand a thing.

Was he too scared to speak properly? He was shaking his head from side to side. Step back, he took. Step back. Another step back, hands up in defense, mouth moving a mile a minute. He was _speaking_ but Naruto could just _not understand him_. The speech was filled with twisted _sh_ and _tsu_ noises that Naruto had never heard in his life. It was not His Language. It was foreign to him.

He could not understand that the boy was merely attempting to tell Naruto, _I was just trying to help! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I thought . . . I was just . . . he looked like he was going to _kill_ you . . . They told me to shoot anyone who . . .!_

But Naruto _could. not. understand. him._

A hand suddenly pulled him sharply from behind and he staggered backwards, his nails shrinking and his teeth dulling. Color bled back into his vision as confusion clouded his sight. The boy turned around, stumbled once, twice, and ran.

Naruto made to run after him because _he had just hurt Sasuke with that thing and ohGodohGod Sasuke could be dead_ – but Kakashi once again tugged at him, effectively stopping him.

"He _hurt_ him! Naruto screamed in rage.

Kakashi only shook his head. Naruto knew in that one second that Kakashi knew Something. He wasn't telling him Something. Something that connected the boy and that _thing_ to the reason they had to return immediately. Kakashi was not usually so silent. He always had an explanation to offer.

The silver-haired man pushed his fingertips against a spot on Naruto's back and pulled them away to show to Naruto. They were coated in blood. "That thing that boy was holding put something into you."

Rather than wrapping his head around the situation, Naruto was returned to his original thoughts with the mention of the name. "Sasuke, damn it_, _Sasuke!"

"Sai. Pick up the weapon," Kakashi ordered over Naruto's sudden rambling, although he could not tear his gaze from his former student. "Be careful. We don't know what it is."

Naruto fell to his knees beside the unresponsive boy (he was a Boy because even if he was nearing seventeen he refused to call himself a Man when Kakashi was in their presence), looking for the wound from whatever blow had been dealt. Perhaps the weapon had released an invisible toxin. Perhaps it was some sort of invisible jutsu, an accessory to a bloodline limit. What else could make Sasuke's body convulse like that?

But there was only blood.

Too much of it, pouring out fast from a clean hole in the space between Sasuke's collarbone and his right armpit. Naruto did not bother wondering _what the hell was that_ because he was too busy thinking _Sasuke's going to die, he's going to die, he's going to die._

"Sakura! Sakura, you've got to heal him! He's going to die, Sakura, please!"

His teammate did not move.

She stood a little ways away, eyes wide, hands stiff at her side. Naruto has only barely been reminded of her presence, she had been so silent. "Naruto . . ." she barely whispered. "He tried to kill you."

"Sakura, please, Sakura. He's dying. Sakura. You have to save him. We can save him." He thought they could Save him in more ways than one. "Sakura."

"He was going to _kill_ you –"

"I've never seen this in my life," Sai said in the meantime, showing the weapon to Kakashi. It was longer than the length of his arm, colored a rust-brown with a stripe of chocolate, thin at its tip but widening as it reached its other end. Sai held the thin, hollow tube of the Weapon away from him.

It took Kakashi several moments to rip his eyes away from his dying former student and take the weapon from Sai's hands. "We'll have to return immediately," he said as he strained to keep his eyes locked on Sai's. "Have this investigated." _Sasuke is right there. He's right there. There's a catch. Here's _right there.

When he looked back, Sakura was on her knees, tears in her eyes, blood flowing over her fingers as she pressed down on Sasuke's wound with chakra. He had been turned on his side, his back facing Kakashi and the silver-haired sensei was surprised to find that the Weapon had made a clean hole all the way through Sasuke's body. _Naruto's bleeding because of something that went all the way through Sasuke's body?_

"There's something wrong," she said, and Kakashi recognized the tone of her voice. "That _thing_ put something _through him _and into you_._ Naruto, I can't . . . Naruto, he's lost too much blood." Naruto, he's dying. Naruto, I'm sorry. Naruto, I can't save him.

It took a minute for Sakura to weave the tissues of Sasuke's chest into a superficial layer that closed the wound from one end. It took a few seconds for her to briefly turn her attention to Naruto and procure a smooth, conical scrap of metal from the shallow wound on his back. It took another five minutes for Sakura, one hand closed around the scrap of metal, to stem the blood flow from Sasuke's wound so that he only just budged away from his deathbed.

"I can't, Naruto, I can't," and she was breathing too heavily for Kakashi's liking. Kakashi put a hand around her shoulder, helped her stand, let her lean against his side when she could not find her legs. He stared down at Sasuke's inert figure.

"We're taking him back with us," Naruto said evenly. The shallow wound the metal had made had been taped loosely by Kakashi as Sakura had worked on Sasuke.

Sai looked at Naruto strangely. "I thought you said you wanted him to come back willingly? Forgive me if this is poor judgment, but I don't believe being unconscious is equivalent to informed consent."

"He'll be willing once he's back." Naruto was so sure of it. So Sure. "Besides, he'll help with the investigation of that thing Kakashi-sensei's holding. There's something going on."

Sakura still held the bloodied scrap of metal in her equally bloodied hands. It had bits of Sasuke's skin and Naruto's skin on it and she gagged but did not vomit. Kakashi wrapped one of her arms around his shoulders and steadied her with a hand at her waist that was not awkward in the least.

"Sai, do you think you can fly us back?"

"Roger."

With a quick wave of his brush and a flap of enormous wings, up, up, up they were lifted; Sakura, Kakashi, and Sai took the lead with a colossal bird of their own as Naruto and Sasuke followed up like racecars on a race track in the sky. Racing towards Konoha for the Grand Prix cup. (And Kakashi had wanted to join the boys but he had to make sure Sakura was all right even if he could not help glancing at Sasuke's body from time to time).

Except, Naruto thought as he looked down at where Sasuke's body had begun to jump up and down, up and down, he had already claimed his prize. And it had been _so easy._ _Too_ easy. All it took was a strange boy and an even stranger weapon. A piece of conical metal. A pure coincidence.

It took Naruto a few moments to realize Sasuke's chest was no longer jumping up and down, up and down.

It took him another few moments to tear his eyes from Konoha's upcoming gates and realize _Sasuke had stopped breathing._

"Sakura!" he cried to his teammate just up ahead, although a sinking part of him doubted she could hear him with the deafening _whoooosh_ that whipped past their ears from the speed they were flying.

It's okay, Naruto tried to think. They were seconds away from a hospital. Someone would bring the breath back to the boy's body in no time. He just had to wait. Don't Panic. Don't Panic. Don't Panic, Naruto. Uchiha Sasuke is only dying at your hands, Naruto. His lips are only turning blue, Naruto.

He's only dying, Naruto.

"Sakura!" he called again in one last desperate attempt. He knew even if she heard him, she could do nothing. The birds were moving too fast, too fast; they could not simply stop and wait for Sakura (tired, tired Sakura) to hop onto his ink bird and pump her remaining chakra into Sasuke's lungs.

So Naruto looked down at his bestfriendbrothertraitor and did not hesitate in the least.

He wiped his fingers briefly on the fabric of his pants before shoving them into Sasuke's mouth clumsily. The fingers of his right hand pulled Sasuke's lips apart (the slimy feeling of his drying saliva so strange to his fingertips, the roughness of the chapped skin of Sasuke's lips) as the fingers of his left hand clawed deep into the Uchiha's throat in an attempt to clear his airways.

He brought his head down not seconds later.

It was not a kiss. It was terribly clumsy, his saliva-coated fingers grasping Sasuke's chin so hard the boy would have bruises, his other fingers still partly shoved into Sasuke's mouth as Naruto tried to fit his own over the opening. He breathed the breaths Sasuke could not breathe. He blew in the oxygen Sasuke could not inhale. Exhaled and inhaled. Exhaled and inhaled.

"Come on, Uchiha, don't do this to me," he said when he had pulled his head back, and in the distance he heard Sakura shout something at him (instructions? disbelief? disgust?). Familiar trees lined up like soldiers were appearing beneath him and he knew they were seconds away from flying over Konoha's gates.

He bent down for another clumsy attempt at mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Maybe, he vaguely thought as he blew down Sasuke's throat, he was doing it wrong. He could remember the basic procedure from his academy days. Clear airways – check. Tilt head back – check. Breathe out – check.

Oh.

The hand that had officially left his fingerprints on Sasuke's jaw moved up to pinch the boy's nose closed. He tightened his mouth over Sasuke's so no air would escape. Breathe out, breathe out, breathe out.

Sasuke drew in a long, sharp gasp just as they were beginning to descend.


	2. You're Hokage

**Author's Note: **I hate it when people tell you you can't have your cake and eat it, too. What the hell is cake for? Staring at? That's just dumb.

Thank you for the reviews, and definitely for the readings!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>  
>…<strong>:::You're Hokage:::…<strong>

* * *

><p>"Only the unknown frightens men. But once a man has faced the unknown, that terror becomes the known." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery<p>

* * *

><p><em>Bang bang.<em>

The noise still echoed in Naruto's memories. He had trouble stepping off of the ink bird when they landed. His knees were shaking. They buckled and Kakashi held him up through the Confusion that suddenly erupted. They were in front of a hospital. There were people going in and out, running in and out, blood trailing on the floor, blanketed bodies disappearing behind doors. Nurses here and there.

"An attack?" commented Sai as he helped (reluctantly, but he would never admit it) Sakura lift Sasuke from the bird just before it dematerialized (and Sai only wished he had released his jutsu earlier).

"Looks like it." Sai felt himself bear most of Sasuke's weight when Sakura let go. "I've got to get in there and help –"

"You're the one in need of a hospital, Sakura. And a good week's worth of rest. Come on." Kakashi stared at her, daring her to defy.

She didn't.

She couldn't.

She stared long and hard at Sasuke's (breathing) body, sent a fleeting glance in Naruto's direction, and followed the males into the building. Sai dragged Sasuke's body lower to the ground than was respectable.

Naruto's ears were ready to burst at the cluster of noises and voices: _"Ready the . . . Two more over here . . . Can't . . . Isn't . . . DeadDyingSeizureMetalBlood . . .!"_ He cringed. What had happened? He'd heard metal; had the same thing happened to other people as it had with Sasuke?

"Tsunade-sama!" A jagged chanting of her name. "TsuTsunaTsunade-saTsunadeTsunade-sama!"

Naruto whipped his head around to search for the busty blonde and found her walking angrily in their direction, although her eyes were elsewhere (and hopefully her anger). She stopped when blond hair and blue eyes obstructed her path and looked down.

"Naruto," she began in what Naruto was surprised to hear Relief. When her eyes roamed, however, and landed on the pale bundle Sai had unceremoniously dropped to the floor, her eyebrows scrunched together and her lips contorted into a snarl. She didn't speak for a few moments.

"Granny? . . . We brought him back, Granny. I told you, I'd bring Sasuke back, and –"

"This _isn't_ the _time_, Naruto!" came the strangled yell of frustration. Tsunade raked her fingers through her hair again and again, eyes closed tightly and lips drawn into a thin line. "This is . . . I can't deal with _him_ right now, when there's a crisis at hand, Naruto, what the _hell_ were you thinking?"

Kakashi, who had deduced the situation at hand from the moment he stepped through the doors, interrupted Naruto's Confusion and Tsunade's Frustration. "Tsunade-sama," he said seriously. "Sasuke was hit. With this." He gingerly held out the weapon they had obtained.

"And I took this out of his collarbone." Sakura held out the conical scrap of metal she had held tightly in her fist and never let go. It still had bits of Sasuke's skin on it. Sasuke's blood still painted her hands red, having crusted over to leave her with gloves of his life liquid.

Tsunade took the scrap of metal from Sakura's fist, took the Weapon from Kakashi's hands (gingerly, gingerly), and sent one final glance at the Uchiha still in a crumpled heap on the floor.

"Kota," she called to a passing nurse. "Call the ANBU in."

"No!" Naruto's eyebrows furrowed. "I just brought him back! You can't send him away!"

"I'm not sending him away." Tsunade put a hand to her head. The migraine she'd received days ago had never left her. "I'm putting him in confinement."

"He was just hit with that metal thing! He's going to die!"

"If I'm not mistaken, Sakura healed him."

"He stopped breathing a few minutes ago!"

"He's breathing now!"

"Granny, I know there's something going on but this isn't fair –"

"You know what's not fair, Naruto?" Tsunade rounded on him, eyes only for Naruto, finger about to jab once into his shoulder but he just looked _so tired_ and she was _so tired_ of everything. "Bringing a lost cause into this hospital when a dozen _loyal_ members of this village have just been maimed by some foreign weapon! I can't choose his life over theirs! I'm happy for you, Naruto, I really am, but honestly what did you expect? Everything would be perfectly normal and he'd be let off the hook?"

The ANBU had arrived, one male and one female from their body shapes. Ready to take Sasuke to Prison.

Prison.

Naruto thought it wasn't supposed to happen that way. Sasuke was supposed to walk through the gates of Konoha himself. They were supposed to stop by Ichiraku's Ramen Shop, sit down like old times, talk about their lives. Sasuke was supposed to complain about the saltiness of the ramen. Naruto was supposed to tell him to suck it up.

Things were supposed to return back to Normal.

Sasuke was not supposed to be wrenched from the floor by his arm by ANBU (and there was a pool of blood where he had been and _damn it damn it damn it)_. Naruto sent a glance in Kakashi's direction. Pleading. He wasn't sure what he was pleading for, or what Kakashi could possibly do. His sensei looked right back at him.

_Don't worry._

He felt that was what Kakashi was trying to silently tell him. _Don't worry, Naruto. Things will fall into place._ So he tried not to worry, because Kakashi told him not to worry, and he trusted Kakashi with his life. His head hung dejectedly.

"Please," he whispered before the ANBU could vanish in their cloud of smoke. "Don't hurt him."

"Tsunade-sama," Kakashi added in hastily. "I really do advise you to send him a medic-nin once he is in confinement. The weapon punctured his body completely. It would be good to investigate him in particular since he could not sense the oncoming attack with his Sharingan."

Tsunade stared hard at Kakashi. She knew what he was playing at. Saving his (ex)student in the subtle way only Hatake Kakashi could pull off. Her chin jutted out in silent resentment but she nodded. She looked from Naruto, to Sai, to Sakura, to Kakashi. "No one is to know, understand me?" She glared for emphasis. "Not until the current situation dies down. Uchiha Sasuke is not here."

"What's going on, Tsunade-sama?" Sakura chose to ask instead (anything to take her mind off of Uchiha Sasuke, as if meeting the boy and dragging him to Konoha was simply a dream, it had been _too easy too easy_, there had to be a catch). "What is that thing and why can it kill faster than any jutsu I've ever seen?"

"Confidential knowledge, Sakura."

"It almost killed Sasuke!" Naruto hissed. "I think we have a right to . . ."

He put two and two together and got four and a half.

". . . Is there another race of people we don't know about?"

Tsunade's reaction surprised him (almost as much as Naruto's deduction skills). She took him roughly by the shoulder and pushed him forward, motioning for the others to follow. In a few _clicks_ of her heels and the swing of a door, they were suddenly alone in an empty room, all noise drowned out by the soundproof walls.

"Why is it that whenever something goes down, Team 7 is always somehow in the center of the issue?" She rubbed her hand against her head. "And judging by your lack of input, Hatake, I'm guessing you've already figured out what's going on?"

Kakashi nodded.

"A boy. Some random kid had that thing in his hands," Naruto recalled. "I tried talking to him, but he was speaking . . . I thought he was just scared, but I couldn't understand anything he said." He looked at the Hokage. "It was another language, wasn't it? He's from another part of this world."

Kakashi looked like he had been about to supply something but thought better of it.

"There is another part of the world unknown to us?" It was Sai who asked. Sakura and Naruto turned to the boy in surprise. Sai, of Root ANBU, had not known such information?

Tsunade grimaced. "I demand you stop thinking about this immediately," she wanted to say, wished she would say, but no one would take her word and actually listen. So she said, instead, "Something like that."

"Wait, wait, wait," and Naruto had to take in a deep breath, his mind still swirling with Sasuke and desperately trying to derail. "You're telling us that there's another _race of people_ out there? That we don't _know_ about? And these . . . these _things?"_

"Naruto, please." And he stopped, because her voice had been so tired, so pleading, he had to stop. "You can speculate all you want but I won't give you any answers. Yet." She paced. "Our investigation teams are still gathering knowledge. If what we think is true, there may be some serious implications." Before Naruto could interrupt her, she continued, with a new layer of frustration in her expression, "Don't let this sort of idea travel around, understood? No news of Sasuke, and no ideas about another race of people until I release a formal statement."

Tsunade shook her head. Her hands were shaking – not out of fear, but out of sheer frustration, out of excitement, out of the power of knowledge.

"You all need to leave."

She wrenched open the door for them. The sounds of the hospital were suddenly let into the room, booming voices of panicking nurses and heart monitors beeping and wheels screeching.

"Get some rest. Clean yourselves up. I want your mission report tomorrow morning. And no one –" She opened eyes she had closed to stare at each and every single member in the room. "No one is to know _anything_. _Nothing_ until I make that announcement tomorrow or the day after. Do I have your word?"

"Cross our hearts," Sakura whispered.

"Good. Get."

They left.

Tsunade closed the door behind her and allowed herself a moment's weakness. She knelt on the floor, feet flat against the ground and head buried in her hands. She cursed. She yelled. She cracked walls.

But in the end, she forced herself to stand up, open the door, and face the chaos.

After all, she was Hokage

* * *

><p><em>Bang Bang.<em>

Six ANBU were able to see the Weapon in action. They watched, amazed, as the men down below pointed their Weapons at the trees where they were crouched. _"Bang bang,"_ said the Weapons. The ANBU could not see what came out of the hollow tube at the end of the Weapon, but they heard something whizz past their ears. Another _bang_ and something embedded itself into the trunk of the tree behind them.

"That metal thing again," said Crane, inspecting the trunk of the tree as three of his team alighted to take out the men with the Weapons.

A series of _bang!bang!bang!_ resonated in the forest for a moment. A shriek. A strangled yell.

One of the men was dead. "Accidental," Ape had grunted when he returned with their Prizes. "He moved in the way of my jutsu. He is weak. Bled out."

"That is not a man."

Bear was pointing to the human (could they call those Monsters human?) that struggled in the grip of the larger ANBU. It was a boy, his black hair long and falling into his almond eyes. He was whimpering words that they could not understand; in a moment, he was crying and wailing and _shut up shut up shut up_. Ape's hand went up to backhand the boy, but it was Sheep who stopped him.

"He's a boy," she snapped at him. "You probably just killed his father."

"He is a monster who tried to kill us."

"Because we're foreigners to them, too. Now come on, we need to return all of this to Tsunade-sama. Give him here. I don't want you killing him before we even get there."

They left the dead body.

The boy wailed and wailed.

* * *

><p>"So you say they pull this stick and the piece of metal comes out?"<p>

Crane nodded. "It's so fast, I doubt even the sacred Sharingan of the Uchiha can follow it."

Tsunade grimaced inwardly at the irony. Sasuke was still in the cell, but she had given him the luxury of a bed, a bedpan, a nurse, and two members of the inspection team working on the peculiar case. She hadn't bothered to check up on them. She noted that she probably should, in case he was dying, but at that very moment she had more important matters to attend to.

"Take these weapons down to Shikaku. He and his son are already inspecting the weapon Hatake Kakashi brought back." Tsunade pushed the bundle of Weapons into the hands of the ANBU in front of her. "Have Division Eight scout the area. Someone call in Kurenai's team for me."

She looked at the frightened foreign boy who had not said a word since he entered, his dark brown eyes wide in fright. His hands had been tied. "Take him to confinement, will you?" She gestured to Ape. "The cells with the beds. Don't be too rough on him. I'll be down there in an hour to talk to him."

"He doesn't speak our language, Tsunade-sama."

"I know." She paused to think. "And check up on Uchiha Sasuke, please. Make sure the inspection team is working on him."

"Yes, Tsunade-sama."

When the ANBU dispersed, Tsunade stood up. She needed to check on Shikaku's foreign research before she could speak to the boy. In case he was dangerous.

* * *

><p>When Sasuke woke up (a few hours later), he was angry.<p>

Angry was, perhaps, not the proper word.

He was infuriated. Livid. Enraged. Ireful. Stringing the intensity of the words together would not even begin to venture into the anger the Uchiha felt bubbling in his stomach upon returning to consciousness in Konoha's confinement cells. He had seen the cells one too many times (on a tour from his academy days, a few times on D-rank missions, once for an eyewitness testimony, but never from the perspective he was seeing at that moment). He could recognize it in an instant.

He was in Konoha.

He had stood up and attempted to let out his anger as best he could. He screamed. He ripped his nails into the mattress of the bare bed. He pounded against the iron bars. He tried to muster every jutsu he could think of, only to scream in further frustration when he caught the new black seals along his arms and stomach that prevented him from summoning even an ounce of his chakra.

Damn them all to Hell. Damn each and every member of Konoha.

Once his anger had subsided and his screams had died down (because, he realized, it was Futile. They were all heartless bastards; they wouldn't care if he was dead or alive), he sunk to the floor and barely registered the dull throb beneath his collarbone and on the side of his chin. His eyes followed the throb of his chest. There was a hole in his shirt, its edges bloodied, red handprints all over what had once been his pristine white robe. He pulled the collar of his robe down to reveal the bandaged wound. With a grimace he noted that it had begun to bleed again and was staining the virgin white.

He groaned.

Whatever had caused the wound eluded him completely. He could only remember a _bang bang_ and _bam_, he had gone out.

Naruto.

Sasuke's anger resurfaced.

Naruto had brought him back. Perhaps he had even punched him, too; Sasuke's fingers prodded the painful bruise along his jaw line. That _son of a bitch._ Where was Suigetsu? Karin? Juugo? Were they searching for him? Did they realize he was missing? He had told them to go on ahead and he would meet up with them later. Naruto had been easier to detect than an academy ninja.

He – sitting there, body throbbing, silence deafening, life futile – regretted never specifying "later".

And to put the cherry on top of his ice cream _fucking_ sundae, someone was crying. In the cell. Across from his.

Fucking great.

"Shut up," he snarled in his anger and impatience.

The crying, to his surprise, silenced.

Sasuke shuffled forward slightly and crouched against the bars of his cell, squinting through the dimly lit hallway at the figure in the cell across from his. The voice sounded young. Far too young to be in a cell like his. _How low had Konoha's authorities fallen?_ he vaguely thought when he could make out the form of a smallish boy or girl. His cell was much more furnished than Sasuke's.

"You," he barked. "Who are you?"

He only received a sniffle in reply.

Sasuke banged against the bars to get the boy's attention in case he hadn't heard. He was surprised to find eyes staring back at him. Definitely a boyish face, long hair matted in his eyes from sweat. Sasuke cocked his head to the side. The boy had to either be some terrible monster to have ended up in confinement, or there was something far more important to him that he did not know.

"Who are you?" he tried again, making sure the boy was staring directly at him.

But he received a shake of his head in return. Sasuke frowned. Was he deaf?

"Can you hear me?" he said instead, exaggerating his lip movements.

The boy (he was shaking, Sasuke noticed, shaking violently, he was Afraid, so very Afraid) opened his mouth and barely managed gibberish. Sasuke's frown only deepened and he had been about to turn away and scoff, thinking he was wasting his time, but something about the gibberish piqued his interest. Something about the consonant sounds and placement of the vowels that, even for a deaf person, was unusual.

Something foreign.

Something Not Quite Right.

The words that were Not Quite Right continued to flow from the boy's mouth in a flurry of noises. Someone grunted from further into the area, "Shut the fuck up!" but the boy paid no heed (and neither did Sasuke). Sasuke, fully intrigued by that point and wanting to channel his anger into something less futile, put a hand up when the boy had begun to _bow to him._

Maybe there was a tribe somewhere in some distant part of the Ninja World that had decided to separate itself from civilization and start its own new language. Sasuke knew it was a stretch – a far, far stretch – but he did not have much to work with. He let his imagination – or lack thereof – connect the dots.

So he put his index finger and pushed away the little voice that told him he looked absolutely ridiculous. He was done listening to little voices.

"Sasuke," he said, first quickly, then again slowly, and then quickly again, his index finger still on his nose to indicate himself (he hoped the seriousness of his expression took away the silliness of the gesture). His head involuntarily gave a small nod.

He waited a few moments in silence. Did the boy sincerely have some form of dementia? Could he not understand that Sasuke was introducing himself? After a few moments (although Sasuke did not realize they were merely seconds), the boy pointed at Sasuke and repeated, "_Sasskei_."

Sasuke nodded, smirking when he felt the entire ordeal had become a game. _Communicate With the Stranger._ Anything was better than the Sit and Wait in Anger without Chakra Game.

So the Uchiha pointed at himself again, repeated his name, and then pointed at the foreigner. He silently asked for his name, hoping the words would follow through with the gesture.

The boy pointed at himself. "Ming Li."

Sasuke did not expect that.

He looked at the boy for a while. He had _heard _the name, but the pronunciation was entirely foreign to him. As the boy had done with him, he attempted to repeat his name.

It came out all wrong, heavily laden with his Japanese accent so that he naturally added a _u_ after _Ming_ and transformed the _l_ into a contortion of the letters _l_ and _r. _It came out (after much stuttering) as _Meengu Ri._

"Meengu Ri?"

Ming Li shook his head, a smile suddenly on his tear-stained face. "Ming Li," he repeated in perfect pronunciation.

"Meengu Ri."

He laughed. Sasuke glared at the boy who had the _audacity_ to laugh at _his_ pronunciation when _he_ was the one speaking in a completely different language! Sasuke made sure the boy could see his glare before he turned around, officially fed up with the new game he had created. Who the fuck cared if it was _Ming Li_ or _Meengu Ri?_

Short bites of words erupted from MingLiMeenguRi's mouth in a chanted apology. Sasuke did not turn around, unsure of whether or not the boy was rubbing it in or asking for his forgiveness. He crossed his arms, winced, and uncrossed them; he had agitated the random wound on his chest.

After a few minutes of silence, MingLiMeenguRi spoke up again.

"_Guo . . . guome . . . guomen?_"

Sasuke turned around. The accent was there, not entirely the _go_ to the _gomen_, but the apology was obvious, etched in every line of the boy's expression. "Did you just say sorry?"

MingLiMeenguRi nodded when Sasuke said "sorry", attempting to repeat it himself. Sasuke smirked, officially intrigued. He pointed to the boy. "_Meengu Ri_ is too hard to say," he told him despite fully understanding he would not understand him. "Your name is going to me just _Meengu_, okay?" He put his index finger to his nose. "Sasuke." Then he pointed at the boy. "Meengu," the _u_ much subtler.

MingLiMeenguRi pointed at himself. "Ming?"

Sasuke nodded. MingLiMeenguRi smiled and became –

"Ming."

He pointed at Sasuke.

"Sasskei."

Good, thought Sasuke. They were getting somewhere. And maybe Sasuke was making some sort of valuable ally. Who knew? He honestly did not care. If there was anything he had learned in the past few years, it was that if placed in an impossible situation, make the best of it. He, without his chakra, with a hole in his chest (he had yet to know it drilled through the entirety of his torso), and with the entirety of Konoha at his throat if he were to leave, was simply making the best of things.

He decided, no matter how silly it looked, he would play charades with this new Ming. He pointed at Ming, attempted to look confused (with complementary hand-turning), and pointed at the floor to indicate the prison they were in. Ming was more intelligent than he had originally come across in his initial impression, or Sasuke was better at charades than he thought he was.

"Sasuke," began Ming, pointing to the Uchiha. He then lifted his hands up, one in front of his right armpit and the other out in front of his chest, as if he was holding onto some long pole. In a short movement, he seemed to lift the pole up. "_Ba! Ba!" _he shouted in staccato.

Okay.

New plan, thought Sasuke, since Ming was not helping the He's-A-Boy-With-Dementia theory.

Sasuke waved his hand in dismissal and had been about to attempt a different approach when he heard the door at the end of the hallway creak open. The _click click click click_ told Sasuke the new occupant wore heels, and there was only one person Sasuke knew who would wear heels into confinement quarters (and just about anywhere else, too).

"Uchiha."

Tsunade.

She looked at him briefly from behind the bars. "At least you're alive," she said before she turned around to face the boy. Sasuke sneered at her. He shifted a little to the left in curiosity, attempting to angle himself so that he could see Ming's expressions from where Tsunade's back did not obstruct his view. The boy, much like he had looked before, looked absolutely Frightened.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Tsunade tried to console.

Sasuke snorted. Loudly. Tsunade whipped around to glare at him.

"Something funny, Uchiha?" she all but hissed.

"You shoved him into a confined cell and have the nerve to tell him you won't hurt him."

Tsunade's eyes narrowed. "You're not helping your case."

"I don't plan on having a case."

_Deal with him later. _And she turned around so she could crouch in front of the shivering boy. Her tone softened as she said, "How did you get here?"

Nothing.

"Where are you from?"

Nothing.

Sasuke saw her grimace. "What's your name?"

Nothing.

"My name is Tsunade."

Nothing.

Sasuke frowned at her. "He doesn't speak Japanese."

"I realized," was the dry reply.

"His name is Ming Li."

At that, Tsunade turned around. Her eyebrow twitched. She stood up at full height, heels _click click_ against the ground as she took her sweet time walking the short distance across the hall to Sasuke's cell. Her hands gripped two of the bars as she peered inside, purposely looking down upon the boy on the ground.

"And how would you know?"

"I talked to him."

Eyebrow rose. "You . . . _talked_ to him."

"Yes."

"And you could understand each other?"

"Basic communication."

"I don't believe you."

Sasuke's Arrogance recognized a challenge. He turned his head so he could see the boy from around Tsunade's body. "Hey," he called monotonously to catch his attention. Ming immediately faced him, eyes widened in anticipation and fear. Sasuke pointed at him. "Ming." Then he put his index finger to his nose, not caring how silly the gesture looked in front of Tsunade, and attempted to portray an expression that asked _What's _my_ name?_

"Sasuke," Ming said simply, and repeated the gesture, pointing to himself and saying, "Ming." Then, as if finally understanding what Tsunade had asked him in the first place, he gestured wildly to himself and turned to her. "Ming! Ming Li! Ming!" he chanted, slender finger frantically jabbing his chest.

Tsunade, however, was busy narrowing her eyes at Sasuke. "What else did you find out about him?"

And that was when Sasuke knew it was his Chance.

He frowned, turning away and tucking his hands behind his head in a manner too similar to Naruto's for his liking. But now that he had assumed the position, he would look silly removing his hands and so he stayed with his back against the bars and his hands against his head. "I'll exchange information for a price."

Tsunade growled at him. "Name it."

"You take these seals off."

He shrugged his elbows to indicate the black rectangles climbing up his arms like a staircase. Tsunade laughed humorlessly. "That was a terrible attempt and you know it. If you could extract information from this boy, so can we."

"He's afraid of you," Sasuke said simply. "You were the one who captured him. For all he knows, I'm just as innocent as he. He already responds to me differently than he would respond to you."

_Thud._

It was the sound Tsunade's heart made when realization hit her. Uchiha Sasuke was right. Her ANBU had killed who they suspected was the boy's father. They had taken the boy from whatever family he had. They had thrown him in confinement unceremoniously. And here was Uchiha Sasuke – the traitor of Konoha, the S-ranked criminal – seemingly as innocent as a newborn to that boy.

She sighed.

"Your seals don't get taken off," she said. "But I deal with you sooner. I wasn't planning on dealing with you until this current situation died down."

Sasuke shook his head and stood up. "I don't want to be 'dealt with'. I want to carry on with my mission." He brushed himself off slowly, slowly. "But since I know that's not going to happen any time soon, I want to understand the current situation. Meaning I want to know why I have a hole in my chest, who this boy is, and what is going on."

"No."

"Then no."

Tsunade's lips spread into a thin line. "Fine."

Sasuke seemed somewhat surprised. "Fine?"

"Fine."

". . . Okay, then."

"Okay."

Silence.

Tsunade called for ANBU to escort both Ming and Sasuke from their cells and bring them to her office. She asked for Shikaku. She asked for Shikamaru. She asked for Naruto. She asked for hot coffee. And then she smirked.

She was going to tell all of Konoha about the current situation anyway. Sasuke was simply a bonus.

* * *

><p>"You're telling me you didn't see what it was?"<p>

"Undetectable."

"No traces of – fuck, Itachi! Could you pull any harder?"

"My apologies."

Uchiha Itachi attempted to readjust his partner over his shoulder. Despite his best efforts, the man's blood had still managed to seep into his own cloak, which in turn seeped into the shirt beneath, which in turn stuck to his torso in a display of sickly stickiness. Because of that, he no longer minded that Kisame was leaning far too heavily against him as he dragged him to Headquarters.

It was a comical sight, Itachi mused. Uchiha Itachi – shorter of the two – dragging Hoshigaki Kisame by his arm, the latter bleeding from two holes, one to the right of his abdomen and the other in his thigh. They had been simply walking when they had been ambushed by . . . well, Itachi hadn't really been sure _what_ they were because he could not _find_ them.

ItTheyHeShe had no chakra.

Whatever It was.

Then there had been that _noise_ that had just lit up the silent forest with sound, _bang bang bang bang!_ Itachi had felt something that he could not see whizz past his ear. Kisame had grunted and fallen to the floor, blood beginning to pool from his skin as he lay in a crumpled heap.

Itachi did not like coming upon the Unknown. The Unknown had managed to evade his red, red eyes completely. It had managed to gravely injure his partner.

They, he thought when the two disappeared in a flock of crows, might have been lucky to have escaped.

"Madara hasn't responded, that piece of –"

"Stop speaking," Itachi intoned. "You will only let the blood out faster. There must be something urgent going on for him not to respond. Be patient."

"You try being fucking patient when you're bleeding out half your life –"

Itachi slapped a manicured hand over Kisame's mouth. "Kisame," he said simply, "shut up."

Kisame grumbled.

Minutes later, when Kisame's body grew heavier over Itachi's smaller one (and Samehada not a welcomed addition), Madara appeared. In a swirling vortex, the man materialized in front of him and clucked his tongue. "Looks like you came upon the weapon far before I did."

Kisame could barely make out his words by that point. His head lolled in a poor attempt to look at the speaking man.

"The weapon?" Itachi asked in genuine curiosity.

"Yes." Madara clapped a hand on Itachi's weary shoulder. The world began to spin violently in front of their eyes. "I've got a little announcement to make."

* * *

><p>Naruto winced when he put his hands behind his head.<p>

"I know," Kakashi spoke up from a corner of the hospital room. "It's a lot. It's too much. But you've got to get some rest, Naruto."

The blond hummed.

Kakashi sighed.

It had taken several minutes and several attempts to keep Naruto from following Sasuke into confinement. Kakashi had been forced to dig his thumb into the bruise in Naruto's side and had barely managed to catch the limp blond in his arms.

"Please, Naruto –"

"She can't kill him."

Kakashi stared at him. "She's the Hokage. She can have anyone do anything under her orders."

"No, I mean . . ." Naruto sat up, still wincing as the bandages around his torso only clenched tighter. "She can't. I won't let her." He stared at his sensei. "You know you won't let her, either."

"No." And Kakashi, having sat in a chair by Naruto's hospital bed, rested his head in one hand propped up on his knee. "I won't. But that doesn't change the fact that he's considered a criminal."

"It's okay." Naruto grinned his Grin. "That's what I'm here for. I'll take care of that little issue."

Kakashi did not think it was a "little issue" by any means. He, however, never doubted his Number One Most Unpredictable Student.

Even if it involved Uchiha Sasuke.

Naruto suddenly turned to swing his legs over his temporary hospital bed and stood on wobbling legs. He began to shrug off his hospital shirt.

"And where do you think you're going?"

"You're going to tell me I can't have my cake and eat it too, Kakashi-sensei?" He put on his t-shirt that had been slung over the headboard of the bed and swung his sweater over one shoulder. "Because that's dumb. Cake is for eating."

And he walked out.

And Kakashi followed.

Not long before they had stepped upon the streets of Konoha were they stopped by ANBU. One of them turned his head to Naruto.

"The Hokage requests your presence."


End file.
